I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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