u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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