So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
