He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
