i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
