turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
But we have bathrooms and they dont
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
