She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
