You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize