Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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