hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
