So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
