You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
