if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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