I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
