The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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