I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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