My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
