I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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