no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
