i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
