I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
