ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
