how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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