I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize