Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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