I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
