shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
