When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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