im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
