I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize