pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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