Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
