We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I want her autograph on my taint
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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