I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
