I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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