Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
