I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
