I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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