ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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