now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
