you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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