She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
