i was born a porn star she said
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.