please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Your cock deserves a montage
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize