if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The best revenge is premature balding
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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