We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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