Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize