Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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