So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize