There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
