3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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