so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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