Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
