We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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