I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
