Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
