How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
