he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
