Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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