i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
