Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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