We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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