whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
