awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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