Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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