i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
