my mouth tastes like poor choices
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
